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Yellow, orange, … red?

The tomato was yellow yesterday and today is orange. Will it grow to be red? I have no idea but it is plump and soft to the touch. I want to eat it today LOL


Look at how big the pepper has grown!! 


Also see how the pot with basil has basil looking growth… and also some unknown sprout. I think it is the flower seed that did not germinate (I repurposed the soil haha)


That pot also has some mugwort/crown daisy, from other repurposed soil hahahaha. I’m so glad that the different plants are getting along so well!

I am a happy rooftop gardener!!

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Learning Korean!! (dance dance dance) and cooking more Korean food^^

Insert dancing Ryan emoji here LOL

So I’m a visual learner. When on the Professional Practices Team as an advisor to other lawyers, all of my educational legal memos had charts. To me they are 2D ways of understanding complex concepts– a way to offer an alternative to the linearity of the western style education (bc almost educational systems leave out differing types of learners). 

Come to Korea and I use this to help me learn Korean, hooray! A recent chapter was on familial relationships. 

I swear I did not even begin to comprehend the familial relationships until I made this chart. And then it all snapped into place and I memorized the words easily hooray~


Last summer, I made the mistake of studying Korean language grammar. That time would have been better spent just learning more advanced words– so I changed my approach this time around. 


Other tips for me and my personal learning style: I usually don’t fuss about the “related words” and “related terms” if I don’t know them. I just write them down in a (growing) notebook. I can add them to vocabulary cards later, after I master the words from the chapter. I say this bc trying to learn all of the related words and terms slowed down my progress through the chapters. 

And this is important! Another way I help myself learn Korean is by reading recipes. (It’s also good for me to learn how to make 반찬 since that fresh produce is cheapest and freshest!) So I was super happy to see some new words I had learned this past week in this blog: http://www.82cook.com/entiz/read.php?num=1196880

The term for dough (반죽) was one I didn’t know until last week! But I understood the recipe better bc I knew that word. Yayyyy

So here I am making various 반찬 out of 무 (kind of a cross between daikon and turnip, so tasty! Def one of my favorite vegetables^^)

무전반죽– The batter for turnip mini pancakes nomnomnom (above)

Tasty mini pancakes nomnomnom nomnomnom I ate so many 

무조림– braised daikon-turnip-like vegetable 

I also don’t know what that green on top of the 김치찌개 is called in English. In Korean it’s called 비타민 which romanizes to “vitamin” but I know of no leafy vegetable called vitamin in English. Ah well. Hopefully it’s okay to put in 김치찌개 but if no no worries because it is after all a stew and everything can work in principle. 

And I will happily eat it bc I love 김치찌개 so much!! (It is likely what I cook and eat the most — when it starts boiling I practically start drooling lololol.) The flavors of sour fermented salty meaty and crisp from onions and scallions make my mouth so happy 😃😃

And to close: a few shots of the gorgeous moon tn– one day past full moon and she is so soothing 

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Mission

I believe we all have intuition, but sometimes life drowns it.  With demands and distractions.  With all the social media and sh*t on your phone and all the things to keep you busy and consumed and distracted.

I hope my stories bring you back to something real.  Even though they are over social media LOLOLOLOL.

Nevertheless!!

Lets go deep into you to let your intuition out.  Like a dog out of a daycrate, let’s have you shake off the tension and stretttttttccccchhhh.  Front legs. then back legs, then shake-shake-shake and release ~

Lets listen to your intuition and welcome it with giant furry pettings.

I am only the conduit and tool through which your intuition speaks to you.

So come see me for a tarot reading.  Perhaps, if you are open to it, be ready for your ancestors and helping spirits to appear too.  They — and I — want to help you become the best you~~

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some circles of my history filled in

Today was an incredibly fulfilling 제사 (ancestor veneration), though I include venerating my helping spirits whenever I make offerings.

For those of you who don’t know, I talk with my ancestors and two main helping spirits (the 도깨비/doggaebi (goblins) and 토끼/Rabbit) daily.  Usually just to check in before pulling daily draws in tarot; they offer feedback on what I did the previous day and offer encouragement for the tasks of the current day.

I make food and beverage offerings to them about once or twice a week.  And I do rituals on the new moon (to bring in new energies) and on the full moon (to release heavy energies).

Today’s message from ancestors was wonderfully powerful.  Perhaps because I re-dedicated myself to this and really opened up for the first time in a while.  Perhaps because they wanted to talk with me.  Perhaps because today’s food and beverage offerings included 불고기/beef, lettuce, 소주/soju, and 떡/rice cakes~!!  Haha.

The messages from my ancestors were as follows.

They’ve been a bit distant because they have been *really busy* focusing on shielding me from other spirits/gods who want to connect with me.  (They remain unsure about Zeus by the way, just as I remain unsure about him.)  They kind of showed me all the spirits, who felt like they were almost attacking?  Kind of greedy, kind of a bit too eager, kind of like the spirits wanted me to give them my energy, or suck my energy.  And maybe I would make gains in the exchange too, but my ancestors felt like it was better to block.  할아버지/grandfather does the most work in this, on top of maintaining our family line with 꼬마/the little kid.  He was the warrior in life and he remains the guard/sentinel in death ❤

And I agree with them.  I have enough on my plate without *additional* spirits and gods seeking my focus and energy and attention.  I want to deepen my relationships with the ancestors I know, and my known helpiing spirits, and also the 산신/mountain god.  I’d much rather be an inch wide and a mile deep.  I believe that that is the path to success.

My ancestors also showed to me the long line of other ancestors who need to be elevated and released.  There are many after the young woman!  (She is someone I first met maybe three weeks ago, and I knew that she was my first proper elevation after 스님/monk.  More on this later.)  So I definitely have work to do, lots of work to do.

Now I understand better why the last tarot reading (from someone else) about this spirit work came out so strong and insistent.

My 고모/aunt from my father’s side also shared a bit more history.  I’ve known for a long while that she is from my father’s side of the family.  Some of you may recall that she’s always said I have 신기/psychic power (it literally translates into god-energy or god-power) from my bloodline.

I learned a week ago that Korean tradition has 신기/psychic power flow maternally, as in from the mother’s bloodline.  Many believe that when a 무당/shaman (who is almost always female) bears a daughter, her 신기 will transfer to the daughter.  I also learned that Koreans believe when everyone in a family dies young, it is a curse.

My mother is the last of her bloodline.  Everyone else is dead.  (Except for three cousins who joined their stepfather’s family — so while they might share my mother’s blood, from acculturation/socialization the ties have been weakened.  They are also the children of my mother’s brother which kind of seems to matter…)

My mother’s father, sister, and brother all died young, as did a few of her siblings (though this latter was considered normal right before the Korean War, as everyone was poor and suffering and susceptible to disease/sickness).  My maternal grandmother lived to an old age (her 70s).

But!  My mother almost died when she was a baby.  My grandparents (her parents) scraped together all the money they could, calling in favors, begging, and borrowing; and they called in a special shaman to save her life (possibly because they’d lost so many children and they couldn’t bear to lose another one).  There were so many prayers and rituals and rites.  And they worked, because my mother didn’t die as a baby.  (Funny point: for the longest time, her nickname from that time was 붙들이, which kind of translates into “one who is held onto tight-tight-tight/one who is caught and held tight.”  She also had to eat lots of animal protein (mostly frog legs) to build up her inner energy/strength, and she says that’s why she doesn’t like eating meat now.)

My point in all of this is: my aunt told me that after all of that happened, my maternal family line got completely closed and blocked off to all psychic energy to protect itself.  So I have psychic power from my maternal line, but I can never tap it.  Or maybe I can, but only after years of study so I can show that line that I can handle it.  Because they are so scared of losing another one that it’s easier to be shut off and refuse to recognize anyone in their bloodline.  Even thinking about the decimated bloodline is so painful.  And I have to say that I understand their perspective, so I won’t push, not for another few years.

I also had been struggling with what to do about the young woman ancestor who I needed to elevate and release.  Full moon is the best time to do this.  But I know so little of her story and have not found resolution for her.  She wanted me to find her long-lost love, who died so young.  She showed me how she felt his life slip away; though she was not with him when it happened, she could feel it, that loss of their connection in life.  They had a true true love, and he died before they could have a happy life together.  She wanted most for me to find him, wherever he is, and reunite them (because she knows that he too is dead at least).  Then, she said, she would go peacefully.  So I wondered if I should wait until the next full moon, or perhaps do the elevation ritual on a day that is not the full moon.  In essence, I wondered about an extension, because I didn’t feel ready.

고모/paternal aunt said: The ghosts will always have something they want for you to do first.  And you will almost never be able to get them their resolution.  What we need for you to do is to use your personal energy to release them — to help them leave this plane even though they want to stay.  So she says that she wants for you to find her lost love — you probably cant.  And I dont think you should.  Just release her.  And yes, I know that means spending your personal energy to do that.  Thats why we need you.  Thats why we called you to move to Korea when you lived in the USA.  Yes, from that far away.  It shows the depth of our need.  There are more like her, and we need you to do as many of them as you can.

And in this — this reminds me of my spellwork for the cafe.  I wanted to pour so much of my energy into it, because I wanted to *make sure* if would be successful.  And my ancestors, especially 고모, insisted that I should hold back, that I should NOT use so much energy.  In the end we compromised and I used 70-75% of my energy, or 70-75% of what I would have ordinarily used.  (And I admit I was exhausted from even that, but I know I can pour in the power and have it work out well.  I just need longer to recuperate.)  She wanted me to just use 50-60%.  She said pouring more energy in wouldn’t help that much and would not really be appreciated.  (Which has been turning out to be true.  There is no more curse energy in the space but it does not pull in money that well.  And the owner of the cafe is someone who wants to believe but also doesn’t really believe.  And her stress about money means that she chases wealth away a lot of the time.  And this with even some of my energy devoted to pulling in abundance energy for free, because I couldn’t stop that part and 고모 didn’t stop me either LOL.)

Anyway, 고모told me to spend some time in journeying/meditation while laying on the bedroll in the altar room, to better learn about the young woman, and then to just release the young woman on today’s full moon.  So that is what I will do.

토끼/Rabbit can help with this too.  She has a soft comforting energy that the young woman will respond well to.  토끼/Rabbit also reminded me that I need to incorporate more softer/feminine/음 energy into my life.  She has been telling me for a while that talking with the young woman will help me with that, and that is why the young woman was chosen for the first elevation.

LOL I need to post about elevating 스님/monk, don’t I?  I promise to do that soon.  He was my first elevation and the first glimpse of how this is what I am needed most for.

But to close to today, it was a great conversation with my ancestors and I am very grateful for their messages and guidance.

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I made a *goblin* baby with him

I have a new spirit guide, as of a few days ago.  The doggaebi (goblin) and I made a baby– he is an aga doggaebi (baby goblin).  He’s only a few days old but doggaebi says they mature quickly.  This makes sense to me.

Doggaebi said he hasn’t made a baby in centuries.  He needed my gi (energy) to do it.  And I was out of commission for a long while — just hibernating and hermiting (turtling if you know me LOL).  And it took a couple weeks for him to take full physical existence but now the aga doggaebi is born, fully formed, crawling around, super curious about *everything.*  He likes to ride on my shoulder and take in the world as I go about my day.

Doggaebi tells me that he will leave me in 1-2 years, once his child is grown enough.  This saddens me and yet I understand it.

This is my first blog post and I can’t stop my editor brain– so I’m just going to type and type and type.  I have lots of feelings about my culture shock.

It doesn’t help that both my ancestors and my helping spirits say I have to deal with this myself.  They can’t help me.

Ancestors tell me it’s gyopo issues (which is true) and that they have no experience with it.

But I didn’t ever imagine that I would feel so alone.  I thought that the point of having ancestor guides and helping spirits is that I am not alone anymore.

I guess that’s not exactly true.  They can support me but they have no wisdom or guidance on my gyopo problems.

It makes sense — but I hadn’t considered that possibility so I am having feelings LOL.

Anyway, I find it funny that I made a baby with someone.  A spiritual baby, but a baby nonetheless.  I suppose I’m not as barren as I thought I was.  I suppose I can care for another tiny living being that is not a pet.

Animals are so much easier.  JoJo is in my lap right now.  Purring.

I’m going to write fiction again.  Because I’m learning that Korea is not a place where I can can fit.  I learned a few days ago that my spirit work is feared here.  I thought it was just viewed as low class (which honestly I was fine with, likely because I have the decade + of surviving in corporate bullshit– that makes me less fussy about social class– because I “succeeded” in the majority (white) world).

But it’s not just that.  Why I am here in Korea is for my ancestors and for spirit work.  But spirit work is feared here.  Superstitions about it abound.

And if I’d known that before… well, I wouldn’t have changed my journey or veered away (because I am not allowed to, because my ancestors have been very clear about my purpose, because I have to walk this path — more on this later).  But I would have been more discreet about it.

I asked my helping spirits if I was allowed to talk about it — and they said it was fine.  That I wouldn’t lose gi from talking about it (which was a nice change).  But they didn’t tell me about the reactions from others.

I have to take this journey.  I have to walk this path.

But it’s awfully lonely.  I wish I spoke Korean well enough to persuade a mentor.  But I don’t.  And also I have the gyopo thing where I am so socialized/acculturated by the States.  Super Americanized is a nice way of putting it.  Whitewashed is the less kind term.

But it’s all true.

Did I tell you?  I dreamed of Zeus’ temple a week ago.  Zeus protects me.  How the fuck that makes sense I don’t even know.  Maybe a past life, though I always thought I was Korean even in past lives.

Somehow Zeus protects me.  And he lends his strength and energy to doggaebi and aga doggaebi who also protect me.

I’ll post more on culture shock later.