제사 today, and I knew it would be tough, and it was. A rough and firm and demanding message, or rather a huge ask of me.
Have I mentioned why I am in Korea? I think possibly not. (And if I have, then it bears repeating LOL.)
I am here because my ancestors need me here, to elevate and release our ancestors who could not cross over on their own. For whatever reason(s), they are still stuck on this plane.
Since I’ve been in Korea (since October 2016), I’ve elevated and released two ancestors: a monk and a young bride. The monk was responsible for tending our family lines for centuries. He was exhausted. And he’d gotten too rigid (even for my Korean ancestors!) in how he tended the ancestral line. His faith only created stiffness around him and he enforced rules too … crushingly.
So he needed to be elevated to give him a break. Because he would never allow himself to stop working (classic Enneagram 1 LOL). He would work himself, even in the afterlife. Even after death, he worked himself to the bone. And he needed a release from that, a release that he would never give himself but he knew deep inside that he needed.
He showed me that he was sick; he told me that he was ailing; he spoke to me directly even before that obviously. He allowed me to sequester him for weeks on end while I learned my path and my mission. He was patient; he knew what needed to be done. Even if he couldn’t literally ask for release, he did in so many figurative ways. And he showed me that he was ready for it, craved it in fact.
I’m learning now that he was the easiest elevation and release I will ever have. My ancestors gave me a softball test for my first initiation. (I still don’t understand why now I won’t go crazy from further initiations but I accept that as a plus!! XD)
The second elevation and release was of a young bride who wanted only to be reunited with her husband, who had been lost to death too soon after their marriage ceremony. I blogged about her earlier, so suffice it to say here that I learned a valuable lesson from her: most spirits will not go willingly.
It takes my own psychic power to send them on. That’s why my ancestors needed me, to be the person with psychic power as a conduit to send them up. The young bride was, now I see, a relatively easy elevation and release too. I only had to talk with her here and there over the course of a few weeks. I only had to hear enough of her story to understand her.
The newest ancestor who needs to be elevated and released…. is a different story. She is thorny and ornery and very well defended against any sort of communication.
I call her 가시고모 (literally thorn/splinter aunt, also the same term 가시 is used for those tiny fishbones, you know the ones that you don’t catch and then they poke your throat). And my helping ancestors agree with me that she is 가시고모. And they *also* say that it is super important for me to elevate and release her.
First off, and most importantly in their view — if I can, then her psychic power will flow to me. She was so protective of it (because she’d been so ostracized because of it) that she closed it off entirely. She did not let it flow through the bloodline as it was supposed to. She stopped it up. None of her blood issue received any psychic gifts because she found a way to stop that transmission somehow.
So there is this huge dammed up power that needs to flow to someone in the bloodline from 가시고모, and my ancestors say I should receive that, once I send her up. I mean “should” here in the sense that it is owed to me — it is a kind of reward/incentive for me to do the work. That is how my ancestors package it to me, partly because they know that this elevation is an incredible challenge.
By the way, I don’t necessarily agree with the “being owed” part — I’m conveying what my ancestors told me, as their incentive to do this herculean task.
Second, I need to elevate and release her because her damming up her power is fucking up the bloodline. Tainting, cross-contaminating, etc etc. She doesn’t realize the repercussions of what she has done and how it has flowed over the centuries.
Because — oh yes — she is an ancestor that predates both aunt and grandfather. She is someone that they knew about and were warned to beware.
And now they have given her to me as my third ancestor to elevate and release. Remember I mentioned herculean task?
That’s without even going into this particular ancestor’s thorns. She won’t talk to anyone (she hasn’t for centuries); she has giant bramble bushes around her psychic energy (which I understand but omg whoa); and she is rough and gruff and rude and mannerless.
But also, super powerful.
This is so hard.
But it is the task I have been… ahem, erm, uh, uh… tasked with. It is the big task that they need me to do.
(Note also that I know that this is a form of initiation — not the “go crazy as initiation” that I expected but an initiation nonetheless. Also note that I also know that when I succeed at this, the tougher tasks will only keep coming. As in I know then I will only get even tougher ancestors. Sigh. That is the way, I know. It’s okay~)
So I cried during 제사 today. Because the concept of it was so difficult. But I’m better now. And I know now what I have to do, and I will dive into that task. To which my ancestors say, “그렇지, 그렇지”… and they say that this is why they needed me — not for just my psychic power from my bloodline (though rare enough) but because I will throw myself wholeheartedly into what I have to do and then execute to make that happen.
So off I go to execute… to start talking with 가시고모 (I’m told I will have to talk with her every day from now until the next full moon) and to start convincing her. 설득하겠습니다~ 어찌어찌 설득하겠습니다~
아가도깨비 and 토끼 say they will help, as of course will aunt and grandfather. Still it’s lonely and heavy work and I know it needs to be done.
I wonder if I need or want to manifest a mentor, because I can do this alone but it’s getting tiring to have no one to talk with about this sort of thing. Something to ponder and consider for the next few weeks.