I have a new spirit guide, as of a few days ago. The doggaebi (goblin) and I made a baby– he is an aga doggaebi (baby goblin). He’s only a few days old but doggaebi says they mature quickly. This makes sense to me.
Doggaebi said he hasn’t made a baby in centuries. He needed my gi (energy) to do it. And I was out of commission for a long while — just hibernating and hermiting (turtling if you know me LOL). And it took a couple weeks for him to take full physical existence but now the aga doggaebi is born, fully formed, crawling around, super curious about *everything.* He likes to ride on my shoulder and take in the world as I go about my day.
Doggaebi tells me that he will leave me in 1-2 years, once his child is grown enough. This saddens me and yet I understand it.
This is my first blog post and I can’t stop my editor brain– so I’m just going to type and type and type. I have lots of feelings about my culture shock.
It doesn’t help that both my ancestors and my helping spirits say I have to deal with this myself. They can’t help me.
Ancestors tell me it’s gyopo issues (which is true) and that they have no experience with it.
But I didn’t ever imagine that I would feel so alone. I thought that the point of having ancestor guides and helping spirits is that I am not alone anymore.
I guess that’s not exactly true. They can support me but they have no wisdom or guidance on my gyopo problems.
It makes sense — but I hadn’t considered that possibility so I am having feelings LOL.
Anyway, I find it funny that I made a baby with someone. A spiritual baby, but a baby nonetheless. I suppose I’m not as barren as I thought I was. I suppose I can care for another tiny living being that is not a pet.
Animals are so much easier. JoJo is in my lap right now. Purring.
I’m going to write fiction again. Because I’m learning that Korea is not a place where I can can fit. I learned a few days ago that my spirit work is feared here. I thought it was just viewed as low class (which honestly I was fine with, likely because I have the decade + of surviving in corporate bullshit– that makes me less fussy about social class– because I “succeeded” in the majority (white) world).
But it’s not just that. Why I am here in Korea is for my ancestors and for spirit work. But spirit work is feared here. Superstitions about it abound.
And if I’d known that before… well, I wouldn’t have changed my journey or veered away (because I am not allowed to, because my ancestors have been very clear about my purpose, because I have to walk this path — more on this later). But I would have been more discreet about it.
I asked my helping spirits if I was allowed to talk about it — and they said it was fine. That I wouldn’t lose gi from talking about it (which was a nice change). But they didn’t tell me about the reactions from others.
I have to take this journey. I have to walk this path.
But it’s awfully lonely. I wish I spoke Korean well enough to persuade a mentor. But I don’t. And also I have the gyopo thing where I am so socialized/acculturated by the States. Super Americanized is a nice way of putting it. Whitewashed is the less kind term.
But it’s all true.
Did I tell you? I dreamed of Zeus’ temple a week ago. Zeus protects me. How the fuck that makes sense I don’t even know. Maybe a past life, though I always thought I was Korean even in past lives.
Somehow Zeus protects me. And he lends his strength and energy to doggaebi and aga doggaebi who also protect me.
I’ll post more on culture shock later.